R.A.G.

So, the guy in the February 2005 post (see it here) is getting married in July. I’ve met the girl and she is, without a doubt, perfect for him. She brings him down to earth, makes him think, and doesn’t walk all over him unlike many other people he’s dated. He makes her more gentle and thoughtful. They are perfect together. He is my best friend and she is an amazing girl. Eternity will be bliss for them.

Then why am I so sad about it?

Oh wait, I know. I’m not his best friend anymore. He doesn’t need to call me up to ask random relationship advice. We don’t have to take “walks around the block” when he’s having a girl problem and needs to call me. (Which is where the whole walking around the block thing started - he’d call, I’d want privacy and a bit of exercise, and we’d talk on the phone for hours.) I won’t be the only person he spends time with when we are both home in CT for Christmas. In our duo, I’m being replaced by a gorgeous redhead for all eternity.

I’m really trying to not be jealous and in doing so, I’ve created the same situation for myself. Kill me.

Here’s the cycle: I like a guy. We become “just friends” and in an effort to be cool about the whole thing, I become Relationship Advice Girl. I’m ok with it, mostly. Being a RAG is fun - you get to hear all about the fun date adventures, you get to give relationship advice that mostly works, you get to set your friends up on dates and watch them flounder miserably (never something I’ve done on purpose, I’ll add, but something that does happen) and give advice to make it better next time. But being the RAG gets kind of lonely in the end. While you watch your friends succeed, finally, you feel joy that they are happy, excited that everything is working out for them, but still a bit of sadness that it isn’t you. It’s not that I’m in love with Jared (or the current RAG boys), but being that this isn’t the first time this cycle has ... cycled(?), I can’t help but feel my own failure. Granted, I’m not. I’m far from it, but something is in my ear saying, “Why haven’t you succeeded yet? Are you not good enough? Can’t you take your own advice?”

I know that those thoughts are not from God, but they keep coming back. When they do, I go and some kind of service for someone in the ward that I know needs some cheering up. Cookies, a note...something. Because, seriously, it’s better to be the friend that everyone loves and serves others, than the lonely old miserable person that only thinks of herself. And that’s what I say when the nasty thoughts come to me. Because, honestly, I’ve got the greatest friends, ever. Even if I am just a RAG.

At least I’m cute.