Yes, I'm whining. Sorry. But, ... I've been thinking about this since Sunday when Bethy's visiting teacher came up to her to set up and appointment and I started getting a weird jealous feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Why go to church when, it seems, that no one a) likes me, b) cares that I'm there and subsequently, c) I feel invisible when I walk through the door?
I never thought I'd say this, but I miss my BYU singles ward. I miss having my bishop KNOW me (even though this is the same one now from when I joined the church), I miss having assigned visiting AND home teachers. I miss doing my visiting teaching - or even having people assigned to teach and be friends with.
I know that I should go to church, everything inside of me says that. And I will. I won't let my testimony of the restored gospel go down the drain, but there has to be a way for me to feel more involved...more 'part of the group'. When I sit in meetings, I feel so cold ... like no one cares whether or not I show up.
I need to fix this... and I'd talk to my bishop if I felt that would do any good, but he doesn't care. He's expressed that enough as it is by talking to everyone around me (even those next to me) and ignoring me...even after I say hello.
This isn't working anymore.
But one thing, and one thing only, keeps me going. The Church is true, I know it. I've known it for a long time. It's inside of me that I can't quit. I may want to, but I can't. I must get through this, even if I haven't the slightest clue how.
That is all, continue on...
01 March 2005
Not a good day...
Posted by SkyBluePink at 1:36 PM
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4 comments:
No, talk to your bishop. Set up an appointment and explain how it's hard for you, and why. Sometimes people need something like that to get into gear, even church leaders. And you might start out as a project, (no fun, I know,) but it often happens that real friendship grows out of that. Good luck. And great job staying regardless of how you're treated by those around you. That makes it so much harder to stick with it.
I think married men at church are afraid to talk to single women, like it will look inappropriate. I have felt the same thing you have in some wards. I really do sense an unease in married men when I try to talk to them at church.
Do talk to your Bishop like uffish thought said. Perhaps it's like jl mentioned. Or perhaps it's something else entirely. Please don't take offense when it's most likely none was intended, even if the unintentional behavior did hurt. Yes, it may be uncomfortable to take the initiative, but I suspect you'll be greatly blessed.
Do you have a calling? Talk to the bishop for sure and let him know you feel this way. That's what he's there for.
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