in the moment

Caroline said it best today:

Not everything in life works out the way that you want it to. Relationships come to an end, jobs come and go until you find your niche in a career, and sometimes you might find yourself with not as much money as you'd like to have. But never worry, b/c everyone gets their "ray of hope" or they finally see the "end of the rainbow."

I've been feeling kind of 'out' of it, lately. I've had a rough time meeting new people, finding a decent job, keeping my testimony where it was a year ago, and just being happy ever since I've been home. It's been rough, but I usually put on a happy face and just fake it for my friends. I don't want them to know that I'm pretty dang depressed most of the time, so I hide it. I'm good at that. I think I've forgotten that this isn't the end. I do have a purpose for being here, even if everything isn't going the way I like, even if I do want to be back with my friends and back in school where my life wasn't as hard as it is now. But then, as I whine to myself I think, “Hey, loser! Stop whining and just do something about it!” So I’m trying to. There is that “ray of hope” or “end of the rainbow” that I’ll eventually find.

I keep hearing people say that if you aren’t happy with your life as a single person, you won’t be happy with your life as a married person and I believe that to be true. I also think that if I can’t find some joy in my life right now, then it’ll be so much harder to find that joy later on when things are actually going the way I'd like. I think being happy is a choice. I can choose to let things bother me and be lonely or I can see the upside to things.

There is a “silver lining” to “every cloud”, I just need to find it.

*Please excuse any cheesiness or clichés that you may read in this post. I’m in that kind of mood…